The week has been really rough with all of the dentist appointment and I haven't even able to apply for a job till yesterday.

I texted one of the dentists and he seems quite 'very busy and important person' among any dentist. He is not always available to open his own clinic at the hospital. Well, I know what you guys even think. You wanted to say "Then how he going to find any work? if he often not available?" apparently this is I assume is a marketing trick and it is working.

All of the people I asked told me that he is really good at his work and always has a long queue of patient waiting for him. I may not very well know about this doctor work background but if my fussy cousin even says that he is good, I think she really means it.

I am pretty sure I wanted to fix my teeth now. It does give me low self-confidence whenever I smile or talk. My teeth are not pretty at all. Some are taller than the others and then short. I always wish that I could get it fixed but since I have not had a steady income for a year so I postponed it, and now I am trying to figure out how to earn some income.

My mom told me that she wants to provide me with a budget but since our family has suffered financially, I figure that she might just say only not really mean it. Yet, I know that she wants her daughter to be pretty. I do want myself to be pretty and I wanted to have my own family and kids too.

The recent date doesn't provide me with this wish but I am grateful that I am no longer a hopeless romantic person like I used to be. Now, all I think is how to be able to afford, my own self. Not thinking too much about anything else. We all grow up.


Changing my Instagram account, click here to follow

Be more human

Let me tell you a story about a family of mine. I called her aunty. I have 7 aunty in total and her is the 6th. Last time I talk about my 7th aunty. Sometimes I just don't get it about them all.


It happened a long time recently, I think last year when our family struggles financially. My dad business not doing good but thankfully that my mom has saved some money when the business is good and also my sister has a proper job while me still okay doing things online and sell stuff.

The business is almost bankrupt. My mom gives the caution warning with my dad but he ignored it completely. My dad has the reputation of being THE BIG BROTHER and having a righteous mind. So he does everything even if that involves money.

I can say that most expenses cause because of the little brother and some other business decision being influence by the same person. He thought that his brother and sibling stand in one boat so, they won't let the boat sink.

It happened when you trusted the wrong person, having betrayed with their own blood seems like something he won't ever want to face. He denied and let the business sank into the bottom of the hole.

I think this moment, I believe that the GOD that he prays every day has given him an answer and asked him to sit down and think his mistakes.

"Not all family can be trusted, not all family think you as their own blood. We are human being, we are created by having selfish and manipulative behaviour. That's why some people prefer to seek sanctuary in religion yet other seek sanctuary to feed their toxic self"
There are lots of people who have a religion so they can play mahjong without feeling guilty. They can kill people because they feel it is the right thing to do, they feed on their righteous mind toxic self.

That's the reason where the atheist rise and agnosticism awake. Some people dislike having religion but if we can see how the country is being run by religion since olden times, and by the development of large enterprises these religion has less effect but with COVID-19 strike both of them has less effect without life yet some people longing more to have a proper job in this tough time some of them may realize that praying alone won't change the fact that the virus is REAL.

BACK AGAIN  to my aunty. So my dad asked for her help only to get a rejection from her, she gave out fake reasons to my dad but then my dad accept. Besides it is her money, to begin with, we only pledge for help.

She has no kids, nor husband or date. She all alone.

Yet, at this tough time right now when the family still struggles to make income, she stays with us. In our rooftop enjoying all the facility include electricity, water, fresh food that is cooked from my mom. All the grocery stuff.

Giving us who struggle financially even more burden. One fine day she asked my mom to go to the grocery store for 'hang out' yet she took a shampoo to go to the cashier and ask my mom to pay her bill. Most of the time, she either stays from the family house to other family houses for free, like a parasite.

Go to one host to another host. She is Christian and by all means, never have I seen her touch her bible. I think she in need to ask her GOD about her own behavior because it is not human-like at all. I assume she took Christian as her religion so she can do whatever she likes by using the religion and it is really nasty. I dislike these kinds of people.

Then she stays with me in one room. With all her fussy and bossy behavior, I can't even... rolling my eyes or shake my head not enough to describe my feelings.

No wonder my uncle's wife always gets so fussy when she around, and says something awful about her. Well, she is an awful person yet she cried when someone says she is an awful human being. The other hypocrite character that she has is she likes to play the victim. Telling her side of the story to her other sisters, make them feel pity about her life but they all forget, she is the one that chooses to have this kind of life.

She could have bought her own house and live alone while working. Not to live from house to house and then get mock around by the owner's wife because the wife dislikes her since she is the one who makes the household expenses increase. The house got 1 new baby to feed on and this baby is 60 years old aunty.

Been thinking about what should I do to earn more money and FELICCINE alone cannot withstand all the bills that I need. I started it as a hobby but ended up it does earn couples hundred of backs and let me enjoy the free gifts. Yet, the other part, I just want to be free from it as well.

I am trying to look the best way to just do something online since the CORONA virus strike the earth and this virus even makes everything worse before it even worst.

I don't think I wanna hope that much with Singapore, I don't even want to go back there to find opportunity. I feel okay here it just that I got no $$ in order for me to shop things online and having to stuck in my hometown with no proper eligible bachelor is not something I plan in the long run.

Remind me again?! Why did I resign? Oh, yea! because my boss is not a good person and scolds people like an animal. I forget about that part. So, I am here dealing with all of these toxic people including loved ones. I cannot deny that my family is toxic, they feed on their toxic just so they feel better about their life.

I am going back to Indonesia and then here I have to share my room with my aunt who does like to be so dramatic over something. We have beef last time, and since then I dislike her that much even of she tries to just fix the relationship.

If you even care about me, you won't have to be that dramatic last time and pretending nothing happened the next morning. Even asked me to book grab for my cousin like I have to do it. The house is still under my dad name, I don't even care if they are not allowing me to stay there. If they did, it just shows what kind of human they are.


There I said it already. Then the other is my mom, I also cannot stand her accusation of everything. She loves to create a scene on her mind then apply to other people like we are that kind of person. That's so fucked up. I just cannot even understand why they have this kind of mind. Eww...

OFFICIAL - my personal blog

Yeaayy! I finally make this as whoops whoops... I always love to write things online and since it gained 600 readers over the past 3 months even thou I am so not updating this yet this platform change into something meaningful for me.

I actually planned to delete this blog already but seems like you love to read it. So, as per my sister's advice, I will just let this blog be then and probably gonna talk about random stuff online.

How is the airport?

Can you imagine that I have to prepare everything in a week? so I and my brother took SWAB test and book it online. Then we have to wait for the hotel staff to confirm that we can use their car and drive to take us to the hospital. It takes like 3 days for the confirmation but it is free.

It does test my patience. Then we go to the hospital only to know that the building is new and seems like the staff have yet to prepare on doing SWAB test because most people took the rapid test. since our hometown requires to take SWAB test therefore, we choose to take SWAB test even thou Tangerang Balikpapan to allow us to take just a rapid test.

Then we went to take all the test. I feel so at ease because I often imagine how painful it will be if those long cotton bud went inside my throat and to deep inside my nose. I just cannot stand and yes, I cannot stand when it goes inside my throat. I feel I want to vomit.

Then the next morning the test result comes out. So, we are started to panic and book the ticket. Fill the form. After everything, we decided to go back on Tuesday early morning at 4.45 am. I cannot sleep.

But I feel so at ease when the plane landed safely in Balikpapan. After all, I am a Kalimantan girl.

When arrived at the airport, I saw so many people also broad the flight to Balikpapan. They only take a rapid test. It is not as strict as what people told me probably because in this airport SIKM is not needed anymore but according to the LION AIR staff, the other airport is also not needed SIKM if you are about to fly outside Jakarta, but to fly inside Jakarta it is still needed and many people got rejected.

Then we arrive at our hometown airport. The staff ask to check the temperature, so we queue and then go inside the building, still need to queue for SWAB test. Then they take us to the old airport building to register for our particular. The total time it took is 1 hour probably more because lots of passengers but just a few of airport staff serve us.

Since I and my brother has already taken the SWAB test, so they let us go back home without asking us to do quarantine nor does asking us to take another test.

It feels so good having back to our home now.